Suicidal Notes

2007-02-02T07:03:00.000-08:00

They say too sweet stuff can kill you
They say too much water can drown you
What if my love for you is too much
Even the ocean cant be weight
What if my love for you is too deep
Even the ocean cant be compare
Darling you're my everything
My heart, my soul and everything inside me
My love for you is till eternity
But is it right for you and me
I cant bear the sight without you
My life depend on your body and soul
I dont care if ur mind is not with me
Important thing is you'll be there with me
Darling your my everything
My heart, my soul and everything inside me

Fog

2006-01-27T02:31:00.000-08:00

Whiteness glimmers in
Dawn bends through the pane
Fog, soft as cobwebs
Clinging
Close as a lingering ache, or
Rejected love
Mournful, ashen cheeked
Muted, beautiful,
Leeching naïve day
To congealed moonlight --
Milky wormwood memory
Warm breath once shared

Mist on the mirror
Atomized shimmering droplets
Breath on a cold silver mirror
Mist

I WANT YOU TO MISS ME

2006-01-24T03:42:00.000-08:00

There could be fog
Or maybe just a mist
And inexplicably I'll fade to white
Vanish, and be gone

Or it could be night
And I'll be darkly dressed,
Evading easy definition
And as your eye's distracted
By a falling leaf
I'll merge with restless shadows
And be gone

Then you will discover
What emptiness is

A space so hollow
Even its own walls are swallowed up

A quality of missing
So intense
A lack, a lack

Each hour more bottomless than the last
Until your heart cries out,
A howl of forfeiture

But it will be nothing
Ashen silence where I used to sing
And deafness

The howl must strike the right resonant frequency
A wail that echoes all to the ends of time
To fill the gaping void in whole, looping wavelengths
From the well of your soul, such loneliness
To make Siberian wolves hang heads for shame
In their convivial packs

Then, only then
Might you detect my footprints, indistinct
Marking the morning dew fall

Perhaps glimpse a puff of breath
in the cold, dawn air

You must utter
A howl so desolate, it

Jerks you from your sleep
To find me warm beside you on your pillow

And you will know how
Close you were to the brink
Of the abyss

And know what missing is
And hold me.

Teenage Suicide

2006-01-23T02:37:00.000-08:00

I thought of dying
gazing into the black, seductive ice water
so glassy and so tranquil
I thought of dying
but in my place
Death's bony embrace
clutched listless children
gnawed by hunger;
prisoners on death row
detritus of their own childhoods;
poor shepherds grazing blunt-toothed animals
on landmined hillsides

I thought of dying,
to throw myself away
so much landfill
If it's no use to me
I could give it
I can holler with my lungs
at injustice
join hands in protest
at brutality
I realized that I had long been dead
but I could choose instead
to reawake
and be alive for them

Night

2006-01-21T22:43:00.000-08:00

Night comes drifting down
the colors close their eyes together
fireflies with their poignant
codes of light
signal one another

the lovelorn world of frogs and bugs
makes its cacophony
pairs of yellow windows gleam
and tame the darkness

fruitful branches twine
together comfortably
rustling unseen

reminding me
my arms are empty
and without you
night is only black.